After Perfecting Every Other Music Genre, Taylor Swift Creates Her Own

Using a unique mixture of soft heavy metal, pungent disco tech, frisky jazz, industrial gospel, and gentle dubstep, Swift creates her genre, “woahlore.”      The singer-songwriter has been in the music industry for 14 years, and she has an estimated net worth of  $365 Million. Swift has won 32 separate awards making her one of the most awarded AMA female artists.      “When I first heard the … Continue reading After Perfecting Every Other Music Genre, Taylor Swift Creates Her Own

All in One- 2021: Every Sports Event Will be Held at Home At Once

With the loss of so many games, meets, and competitions to COVID-19, the school is looking for a way to make up the missed opportunities to current students, and are launching the first-ever “All in One: 2021” sports event, which aims to host every single sport in one day, not only to make up lost events but to limit the travel of the countless sports … Continue reading All in One- 2021: Every Sports Event Will be Held at Home At Once

AG Building Burns, Classes to be Shared With Animals

The AG building caught fire and burnt to the ground, on March 31 due to an electrical error. Luckily, all the animals were safely evacuated before the fire got out of hand.  Due to the fire the main building classrooms will have to share space so that the AG students can have a place to keep their animals while the new barn is being built.  … Continue reading AG Building Burns, Classes to be Shared With Animals

Breaking News: Rare Albino Squirrel Sighting

 Freshman Hailey Harris reports that she saw a white squirrel in the school’s courtyard. While she initially reported seeing an ‘albino’ squirrel, further investigation suggests that this was a simple fox squirrel with rare coloring.  Harris said “the squirrel I saw looked full-grown, and when it ran past me, through the trees above me, all I saw was a white animal hopping. Its fur was … Continue reading Breaking News: Rare Albino Squirrel Sighting

Flat Stanley Enrolled in DSHS

*originally appearing in satirical April 1 edition Everyone fell silent as he walked in. Eyes grew wide, hearts skipped a beat, eyebrows raised all around the high school when he entered from the main office. Everyone was shocked and delighted to see our newest student grace the hallways: Flat Stanley, with the sun resting beautifully upon his two-dimensional locks of hair. In March, the high … Continue reading Flat Stanley Enrolled in DSHS

Pop, Lock, & Pin: Hi-Steppers, Cheer, Wrestling Make New Sport

*originally appearing in satirical April 1 edition For the fall of 2020 the high school is introducing an entirely new sport called “Spin & Pin”  that involves aspects from cheerleading, high stepping, and wrestling to create a whole new meaning of dance battle. “I honestly am excited about this,” future player Smashington Brosif said. “I like the more physical aspect about this sport and being … Continue reading Pop, Lock, & Pin: Hi-Steppers, Cheer, Wrestling Make New Sport

Make Way For The King: Football Gets New Field, Other Teams At Expense

*originally appearing in satirical April 1 edition On March 6 the football staff for the Tigers requested a new two million dollar bond for a new practice field. Offensive Coordinator Hugo Smolhaarms and Defensive-Line Coach Skip D’Leggdeigh were the two envelope-pushers for the new practice field, as they feared for their health. “I absolutely need a new field,” Smolhaarms said, “I built these calves up … Continue reading Make Way For The King: Football Gets New Field, Other Teams At Expense

Privacy Removed: Boys Bathroom Stalls Replaced With Air

*originally appearing in satirical April 1 edition Due to recent vandalization of the boys bathrooms, the school has decided to remove the stalls and place motion sensors in the bathrooms to analyze reckless behavior. The removal of stalls and enforcement of motion sensors is supposed to decrease bad behavior in the boys bathrooms. “I’m not too sure how I feel about it personally,” sophomore The … Continue reading Privacy Removed: Boys Bathroom Stalls Replaced With Air