An Easy Way Out: School Introduces New Language Course

For a long while, the language department at DSHS has needed new alternatives to engage and promote audiences. With a vast influx of students taking language merely for the credits, the school has decided to introduce a new language course to fit their needs: Gibberish.

“We’re happily ready to introduce our new course next year,” said the districts page on their website, “we needed to ensure students got the easiest and least rewarding class ever, so they can feel confident that they merely got the credit they deserve!”

Now, Gibberish is exactly what is sounds like. Sounds like “afbwlifbqlib” and “febfohf” will be learned. The class will have students making these complex sounds for the first half of the class period, followed by free time for the rest of the class. 

“Like it was stated,” said the school’s Principal, “we wanted a class that is as not culturally enriching as possible, and one that merely offers the credit so many students want.”

Now, how was gibberish selected as a class? Well, using the main needs of the students already mentioned, Gibberish and languages such as French and Japanese were put up for a vote. Gibberish won overwhelmingly, with most voters citing the need for the credit above all else.

“Why waste our time learning about languages that are popular nowadays,” said a voter on the survey who wishes to be anonymous, “when all we want is the credits?”

Gibberish 1 will be available come next year, and everyone has shown their appreciation that now they have an easy and cheap way out of the language requirement that could’ve opened up so many opportunities in life had there been more investment.

“As long as the students and parents are happy, then we’re proud of our decision,” the school’s Principal said.

By Alec Stuart, News Editor

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