Day in and day out, people never disappoint to say stupid things to me and make me question their intelligence. Some are daily, some are situational, but if you know you say these things, try not to say them. At least not to me. And for the people who are annoyed from these things and can relate, let’s discuss stupid things people say.
Situation: I get hurt.
Response: “Are you OK?”
It is very annoying to be approached with a seemingly sarcastic question when injured, even though the person means well. I get that you are concerned, but clearly, I’m not OK, so why would you ask if I’m OK? If you really want to help, get me an ice pack instead of asking a question we both clearly know the answer to.
Situation: Gives opinion.
Response: “But that’s only your opinion.”
As a subjective journalist, this is the most annoying thing to hear in a subjective debate. The whole argument is subjective. You don’t say that Hulk being stronger than The Thing is my opinion. Using “that’s only your opinion,” as your rebuttal in a subjective argument is lame and kills the vibe of the conversation.
Situation: Someone need something permanent to keep like money or a pencil.
Response: “Hey, can I borrow this?”
Why do you ask to “borrow” five dollars to pay for your food if we both know you’re not paying me back, and I don’t expect to be paid back. It’s called a favor. Learn the word, use it.
Situation: Asking where your friend is.
Response: “I’m x minutes away.”
No. You’re not. Stop lying. Saying that you’re x minutes away just tells me that you’re not x minutes away. You even know you’re not x minutes away. I am guilty of this too, but I use landmarks to mark distance. I suggest you do the same.
Response: “Calm down.”
Calm down. Calm down? So I guess you assume I chose to be angry and I have an on and off switch controlling my emotions. Calm down? No problem. I guess you don’t ever get angry because when you do, you just “calm down” and you just forget about whatever just ruined your day, or maybe even your future. Don’t tell people to calm down. It’s not cool, and it does not diffuse the situation. If you really want to help, express anger and understanding with the person, or just simply leave them alone.
Situational phrase: “You can’t have your cake and eat it too.”
Metaphorically, this makes no sense, because… cake is meant to be eaten. No one makes a cake and just stares at it. Seriously. This isn’t a cake pageant. You don’t just bake a cake, roll it down the runway, then throw it away. They should change the phrase to “You can’t eat your cake and have it too.” Obviously, once you eat your cake, it’s gone. There’s nothing left to have.
Situation: Friend asks, “guess what?” I respond with “what?”
Response: “No, guess.”
I don’t know. Aliens abducted you, froze time, took you to their home planet, coronated you as “the chosen one,” but there was a scandal involving their dress code being similar to the school, which started a civil war between the “shirts” and “skins”, and there was an assassination attempt, so you disguised yourself, joined the war, became a war hero, and became their king, but the economy soon failed so you fled in a space craft, but got sucked into a black hole, only to find a parallel dimension on the other side, and made it back to Earth, to which you are not the person I think you are? Then they reply with “no.” Then what was the point of making me guess? You realize, there are a literal infinite number of answers that can accompany the question “guess what?” Seriously, do you really think someone would guess right the first time? Or the 6,239,498,3193,982,093,0293rd? Unless the answer to your question is “chicken butt” where I will call you lame but grin from the corniness, just say what you need to say and don’t waste my time.
Situation: Something risky or potentially life threatening.
Response: “Yolo/Live every day like the last”
Stop. This is a ludicrous statement. You can only live once. But you can only die once too. If everyone lived every day like it was their last, it would be The Purge 4: High School Prom. Yolo is a stupid excuse that people say to do stupid things.
Spread awareness to stop these sayings from being passed onto innocent victims who must put up with the aggressor. Tell that person the error of their ways. Also, use common sense and honesty.
Written by Nifa Kaniga