Mr. Bixby: a myth among men

Mr. Bixby’s entire class showed up wearing masks of his face one day.

Most people that have met Jeff Bixby agree that he is one of the most complex and mysterious teachers at DSHS. Who he is in reality or who he is not may forever remain a mystery.

English teacher Rachel Foreman had Bixby as a teacher in the past.

“He was my teacher in home economics, intro to mind control, and how to smile,” Foreman said.

Bixby confirms that some of this is true.

“I would say 87% of that is true. I did teach her in mind control. I have my post doctorate in mind control from UT,” Bixby said.

Students Marnie O’Boyle, Mariah Chappell, Andja Bjeletich, as well as Miss Foreman had some crazy rumors to share about Bixby.

“He is the soldier that captured Osama Bin Laden,” Foreman said. “He is all heroes. Robin Hood is Mr. Jeffery Bixby. George Washington is Mr. Jeff Bixby. He wasn’t born, he was made in China. I’ve also heard is that he is master of all cats.”

“There was a prevailing theory last year that Bixby was an alien,” Chappell said. “I also heard that Jeff Bixby played the guitar at his wedding.”

Bixby denied to give any comment relating to these rumor.

“The craziest rumor I’ve heard about him is that he has a twin brother named Eric,”  Bjeletich said.  “A twin brother who is the exact opposite of him. I also heard he hates eating peaches, because he thinks it feels like biting into a baby’s head.”

However, Bixby’s hatred for peaches is not only a rumor.

“Oh it is definitely true that I do not like peaches,” Bixby said. “They have the same texture and consistency as a baby’s head.”

“I think the craziest rumor I heard is that he collects bones,” O’Boyle said. “He decorates his house with bones of his failing students. Also, he is going to save us from World War Three with his cat army. He started World War Three and he is going to end it with his cat army.”

However, Bixby states that rumor is incorrect.

“Marnie is incorrect. She missed it by one. We are in World War Four,” Bixby states.“What she doesn’t realize is that the cat army is operating without anybody’s awareness right now. In a way I am in charge, in a sense that I delegate responsibilities. Yeah, I guess you could say I’m the leader.”

Even with all these rumors of Bixby keeping the bones of his failed students, starting a World War, being the leader of a cat army, and being able to control minds, students still think he is an incredible teacher and love his class.

“He’s a fantastic teacher,” Bjeletich explains. “I like how he’s able to really connect to his students. He really looks us in the eyes when he talks to us. He makes us feel like he appreciates what we’re saying and he values our opinions. He helped me a lot when I was having a really hard time with history and he even helped me with my genius hour project in chemistry.”

Some students love him so much that they go as far as giving him the title of ‘god’.

“I hesitate to say that I am the God,” Bixby said. “I would differentiate and say a god instead.”

With this year being his 10th year teaching, Bixby is still happy with his career choice.

“I would like to say that if I didn’t enjoy teaching, I wouldn’t be doing it,” he said.

Though all of these rumors may or may not be true, one thing is for certain. The world will never know the true identity of Jeff Bixby.

Written by Veronica Lopez

Staff Writer


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